What Ms. Shirley says is right; in today’s society in America we are too quick to put the older people in nursing homes. We do so because we look at care giving as a burden, it takes time away from us doing what we want, or like Ms. Shirley said a lot of people get judged by their age today because the culture has changed so much over the past 30 years and it’s hard to keep up, so the culture and norms for those who grew up 30 years ago are different then today and we see that as being different so we try a push it away or ignore it. Older people have their own way of doing things that we see as invasive or uncommon. So when we have friends or colleges over we see it not as a show of respect for their age and we are taking care of them but as an embarrassment. It seems like today also the rich people are the ones that are faster to put their parents in nursing homes. Techie_012
I agree America is way too quick to put the older people in to nursing homes. It is not fair to them at all. Many older people can do many things on their own. It is just not fair that many older people get the worst end of the stick. There are many different things that I would think about before ever putting my own parents in a nursing home. (hound89) 012
I agree with changing times or a paradigm shift in society that shapes peoples ideas with how to treat the older generations. The middle old generations seem to be not only increasing in size but staying in their homes much longer now than in years past. Once they move into the older old category then things seem to change for the worse. Everyone ages in life that a fact but what some people don't look at is the emotions that come along with the life change. Every individual is different as to when they go through the process of grief. Some begin with anger because they don't want to move into a skilled facility and some go right to acceptance because they don't want to be a burden on their loved ones. This may be the idea that people get as they can no longer take care of themselves. Lawpro012
every thing your saying I what I would say as well. putting your parent in a home just is a smack in the face for the 18 or more years you spent under their roof. these days our decisions are being based on the wrong things that man's wife shouldn't have that type of authority over him. (Aphi012)
I would have to agree that in this day and age people are quick to put the elderly in a home or other means of assisted living. While his wife may have been able to speak her opinion, she would NOT have been able to persuade me from taking care of my mother. You would think she would be more considerate towards her husband's mother. Maybe her mother is gone or she already put her in a nursing home. I think reach people may do this more simply because it's easier for them to do so by have the monetary means. DaBearsandBulls012
Ms. Shirley definitely says everything correctly. There are so many decisions that are made for the elderly whether it is get home care or go to a nursing home. I agree that elderly people are very dependent people. They want their kids to do well in life. They want to be there for their kids when times are good and times are bad. I know that my grandma was so stubborn that it wasn’t even an option for her to go to a nursing home. She was so independent always worried about her family, and boy did she love her grandkids. She never had any kind of help from any outsource like a nursing home or a home CNA. She just did her thing and she did it herself.
It is truly sad how we try to tell older people what to do. They took care of their children and the only right thing to do is for the children to take care of them but we push that off on others so much anymore. Like you said about your Grandma, My Grandma and Grandpa are the same they are so set in their ways and they don’t want help from anyone even when they both need walkers and should have someone there to help. They don’t want any help; my dad and step-mom go and help them as much as they will let them. But they are all about doing it their way. Techie_012
I'd have to agree with Techie_012, it is truly sad. Elders are basically seen as something that is in the way and needs to be put away into a nursing home. I believe that they can be incredibly independent. My grandmother is very similar to yours. She doesn't need help, and doesn't want it. She can do everything on her own. -Blue22_012
With aging in our society it would be a good idea to look at the emotional change of life that we all will go through at some point in time. As we age within our society it is said that people don't change their way of life, thoughts, or ideas however as society progresses, individuals don't. There is a cultural divide at times between the geriatric and the younger culture. This means that individuals live the same over time even if the way of life or culture changes. The emotional pain that older individuals have is very traumatic as they cope with the different stages of life. Meaning older individuals could go through the grief process even with changing their way of life from living at home to going to a skilled nursing facility. The singer talks sings a little bit about that transition from adapting to just the idea of going to a nursing home. Lawpro012
I agree, it is sad that the older generations have to deal with this isolation and trauma/grief. But why does this exist? If every single student on this blog is saying how sad it is, then clearly most of society must believe that as well, so why does this pattern continue? If we believe it is unfair to the elderly, do you not think that something should be done to prolong their "normal" lives as much as possible? -YellowUmbrella012
I definitely think that we are too quick to try and get the older generation "out of the way" due to the negative view that our society has of the elderly. Our grandparents and parents end up in nursing homes much too soon simply because we don't view them as useful or because they aren't part of our own personal egocentric plan for ourselves, which is not only unfair, it's Ageism by definition. After all that my parents have done for me, the only time I would even begin to consider a nursing home is when I no longer have the ability to take care of them myself and need professional help, and even then, there are other options. My father has Multiple Sclerosis, so his health has been deteriorating at what seems to be 5 times the rate of the average person his age. But even still I can say that I would rather take my father in and take care of him myself before I would put him in a retirement home. It's so strange because as children we're taught to have respect and reverence for our elders, and I'm not sure what age that disappears in adulthood, but it certainly seems to. We need to we need to shift this cultural paradigm and turn it on its head to get back to that respect. Even as middle-aged people onward, there is no shortage of information that we can learn from the generation before us. It's the only way that we can better ourselves for the future, so we should hold onto that as long as we can rather than isolating the older generation. -YellowUmbrella012
I agree completely with your comment. Our society does have an inaccurately negative perception of our elders. We just don’t see them for what they are anymore. We also don’t put ourselves in their shoes; we just worry about ourselves too much. And that is not right to do to our own blood. -JrMac95012
I agree with what you are saying. I also think that somewhere along the line we have lost this connection with our elders. We should cherish the moments we get to spend with them while they are here. It's a shame that certain classes see them as a burden and are quick to act. jam012
Ms. Shirley’s point is good but in some sort contradicting because the term she used for the brother whose initial intentions in life were bad at first as the no good boy. But in the end the “no good boy” took his mom in. in society yes we are very unappreciative of anything in our lives I mean every time anything goes well its usually never displayed we are more exposed to issues in our country. This video was a prime example of appreciating though because even though her son was up to no good at a younger age she did not disown him. The son that was a doctor was definitely ridiculous there is no way my wife will come between the first woman in my life. The ideal child of an older parent is supposed to take care of their parents to their best ability in this case the mother was fine so he was ridiculous. (Aphi012)
What Ms. Shirley explains about three or four minutes into the video about the son and wife making the decision to put the mother in the nursing home is very accurate. Generally speaking, I don’t believe that anyone could put their own mother in a nursing home on their own. It usually has to take an outside influence (outside of blood relative I mean) to really make that decision. Last year, my dad’s mother came ill with dementia and depression months after losing my uncle in a suicide. Doctors said that she could no longer live independently. My father fought every obstacle just to get her to live with us. We pushed through the “burden” of taking care of her for at least six and a half months. She got to the point where depression had gotten the best of her. At THAT point, we listened to the Doctor’s orders of finding a suitable assisted living center where she could receive all the medical attention she needed, and also somewhere that we could visit her every weekend. Ms. Shirley was spot on in how disappointing it was that a young man would put his mother of good health in a nursing home.
I think that if it is absoultely necessary due to medical/terminal/mental impairment issues, nursing homes or assisted facilities can be a good thing. Typically, at least in every case I have been in contact with, the family (immediate children or spouse, not grands) make the ultimate decision on that type of placement. What is revolting to me, is when children of the parent attempt to place a parent in a nursing home due to advanced age without any impairments only. Especially, as in one case I am currently working with, when the adult living children want a piece of the "proverbial" pie before death occurs. Otherwise known as getting some of their inheritance early. It's disgusting. Just because a parent may not see, hear, or move as well as they once did in their youth, doesn't mean they are dead already or close enough to death to move on without them. Firecracker012
Ms. Shirley's story was fantastic. Today it seems that certain classes are too quick to put their elderly parents into a home, like they are such a burden on them. Too many times an older person is put into a home for the wrong reasons. There is no reason for them to go into a home if they are still self sufficient and are still in their right mind. I've witnessed first hand what can happen to an older person in a home, it's almost as if their health and sanity takes a quick decline. They can become extremely depressed and their health will take a turn for the worse. Today's generation should learn to appreciate their mother or father, and don't take them for granted. Personally putting my parents into a home would be the last resort for me, giving back to them would be a great honor. jam012
I totally agree that are current generation take for granted how good they have things.It could also be the way they are taught by their parents bears012
Ms. Shirley's story was great. Today it seems that certain people groups are too quick to put their parents into a nursing home when they get unable to take care of themselves when they are elderly, it is like they are a burden to them, they are sometimes put in homes for the wrong reasons. There is no reason for them to go into the home if they are able to take care of themselves. Today's generation don't appreciate what their parents do for them. Sometimes our culture repeat the patterns their parents do to their grand parents like it is a generational curse Bears 012
Similar to what everyone else thinks about this video, I would say that I completely agree with Shirley. She tells her feelings through a song which gives it a very personal touch to it. She explains how she did so much for her son throughout his entire life and when she gets old he has a difficult time giving back to his mother. She obviously felt that her son was not helping her like he should have. Instead of taking care of his mother he decided to put her in a nursing home. I completely agree with thinking that that was not the best choice for the situation. Of course, in some situations having people around to help a parent at all times may be the best choice for some who may have some sort of disability. For the most part I would have to agree that people tend to stick their parents into a nursing home instead of thinking about their other options such as home care. -Blue22_012
I wish Ms. Shirley would have told us more of the story. Like I want to know if she took care of her parents and her son at the same time. Also I want to know if he had kids of his own that he needs to provide for. I truly believe that in today's society it is harder for kids to take care of their parents because some people are barely getting by with taking care of themselves and their kids and spouse. Also with people working all day it is hard to keep an eye on an elderly person who needs help when you are at work. RDH012
I will agree with Shirley as she explains the situation in the video. My parents divorced when I was young so I was raised by my mother who worked two and three jobs at times to make ends meet. I could not imagine putting my mother in a nursing home when the situation didn't deem it necessary. As I have grown up, I have told my mom that she will be living with me whenever she wants too. My grandmother on my dad's side, who has since passed on, lived with my aunt's for many years so they could care for her. This was the same for my great grandmother. Now it was different here recently for my grandfather on my mom's side. His wife, my mom's mom, passed away seven or eight years ago and he wanted to live on his own, he did this, but with help from my mother EVERYDAY. Her sister and brother did nothing to help. He was eighty-six when he passed away a few months ago. Shortly before he passed, he needed more care than my mom could give him so hospice was at the house. My mother planned to move in with him for his final days/weeks but her siblings wanted him in a nursing home. He ended up losing his battle with cancer and passed away at home, as my mother wanted. I say this because things may have been different if it were the other way around. My grandpa liked my mom more than the other two and my grandma liked my aunt more than my mom. You wouldn't think it could be this way, but if my grandpa would have passed before my grandma then she would've went and stayed with my aunt. Situations throughout our life obviously play a part in how things play out in the end and every family is different. DaBearsandBulls012
I also had divorced parents, but my dad was still in the picture. I still had to watch as my mom struggled day after day to give my brother and I everything we needed. It was so hard, but it was all worth it. I will never be one of those to just put my mom in a nursing home the first chance I can. I will do everything I can to take care of her. And I will also make sure who ever is taking care of her is not hurting her or abusing her. Starburst012
I think to a certain extent that Ms. Shirley is right and most Americans do put elders in the homes faster but today there are so many different types of nursing homes. Also my family has dealt with the struggle of taking care of an elder and even though it was hard for us it was probably worse for her. My Great-grandmother had a stroke and was unable to live on her own, so my grandma and her two sisters took turns taking care of my grandma. None of them lived in the same town so every two weeks my great-grandma would have to move houses. She started to lose her memory and could never remember where she was at. My family then decided to put her in the nursing home which I believe was a better for her. She knew where she was and my grandma would go visit her everyday and see if she needed anything. Also my other grandma has been living alone for 15 years in Peoria. Her eyes were starting to get bad so we took away her car and we wanted to move her into this really nice nursing home so they could help her get around. She hated the idea at first because she can take care of herself she just cannot drive anymore. After a few weeks she ended up loving the nursing home and all the people there. She is living in the independent living so she has her own room and does everything herself besides driving. I personally think that the nursing homes that have independent living are wonderful because they help you when you need it but other than that you can do everything you need to. I guess it all depends on the nursing home they go into but not all are bad. RDH012
There are certainly different types of homes people can live in. Everyone's situation is different and sometimes people don't need to be taken care of but living on their own may be too dangerous. So assisted living homes are great to still have independence and go where you want and yet you still have people there to check on you or if you should need something instead of being in a house alone. And it's good to look around at different places. Not all nursing homes are bad and some you don't realize they are until the person you care for is there. Sometimes the home can be good but just isn't the right fit. Every person and home is different but it can take work to find the right one. ScientistSalarian012
This isn't really the message that I received from this clip. I don't think the Mother had any healthy issues at all. I just think that the son who became successful through his Mother's givings lost the importance of life. The "old folks" home was just a way to get her out of the picture so to speak and he thought he wasn't doing a bad thing because he was providing all of the material things she needed. Even at an elderly stage in life, people still need the love and the emotional aspects of life and need to know that they are needed and wanted. An "old folks" home cannot provide that if the family is completely out of the picture. Hbaby31012
Wow, this is a very powerful song with a very powerful message to get across. It is also very sad. You can tell that she did everything she could for her children, like most mothers do. I know now that I am older that I haven't shown my own mother all the appreciation she deserves. Now that I am older I know all that she had done for me and I try to always let her know I appreciate her. This song is so sad but so true and shows how our generation is SO quick to just get rid of the older generation because they think they are getting in the way. We have so much to learn from them and they still have life to live. For all that they have done for us the LEAST we can do is help them when they actually need us! People need to keep this in mind and always remember how good our parents treated us and all that they did for us. Starburtst012
There are so many options for elderly people other then nursing homes. What makes me crazy is the fact that, our parents raised us, wiped out snotting noses, feed us and put the clothes on our back. So is it so hard for us to take care of them when they need us? It's even more sad to the people who don't have a choice and become a ward of the state and all there decisions are mad for them. Ms. Shirley, had a good son that would take care of her. And for the Dr son, that's crazy that he would rather pay all that money to send her away , but couldn't have someone come to his house to take care of her needs.There are so many religions that dont believe in putting their loved ones in a nursing home. Now yes, there are some circumstances to why people do have to live in a nursing home, but most of the time, they just want to be with family. I used to work in a retirement home and most of the time, when someone new came in, they where mad as ever. And now I realize why. lilred012
This could be an example of discrimination and ageism. Momma was put into an old folks home why? Simply because she was aging and no longer contributed to this particulars sons needs? A lot of people grow up only to find that they are no longer needed by family but this is where love and respect play a huge part in the family chain. The "trouble maker" that was always up to no good may not have respected his Mother growing up but learned the hard way through his own trials and tribulations and as a result of that he ended up respecting his Momma more and he had the "rude awakening" that she was always there for him when he needed her. I feel that he felt she deserved the quality of life that she had always provided for him. A fullfilled acceptance and matter is what he wanted Momma to feel. She deserved to be recognized and let it be known that she "mattered" to someone. The one son that always obeyed and that was provided for never experienced the hardship of making bad choices in life and the outcome was a negative one. He became powerful and greedy with his money and misunderstand the needs of his loved ones. He tossed her away thinking that he was "providing" for her financially and disregarded her emotional needs. Hbaby31012
Ms. Shirley makes a great point when she says "I wouldn't mind going if there was something wrong with me." which brings me to say that many people in today's society in America are very quick to put their parent's into nursing homes because they are on the way. My grandmother is now 86 and we have had her in a retirement home for about a year now and we only put her there because she physically needed help that we couldn't give her. We did everything we could to keep her independent for as long as possible. It's hard on her to be there but someone in the family visits with her everyday and makes sure she is getting the care she needs. We viewed the choice as not an option of putting her in a retirement home until we had to. So Ms. Shirley is right that many will just put our elderly in homes and she also makes a good point that many families can be divided on the choice. So it's good if possible to talk as a family and all be in agreement. It's funny how as someone gets older people will start to view them much differently as when they were younger. It's good to respect your elders, especially your family. ScientistSalarian012
This is great how you choose to keep this ongoing relationship with your grandmother! This will cause fit such a better ending I believe fit her in her later years and for the family to learn from her. This reaches respect of our elderly,. Jenchango012
America is such a fas growing and modernized country which has caused people to become very selfish and greedy. Our culture does quickly turn their head the other way when it comes to the elderly. Our elderly are forgotten and left to dwindle in their last years. Our culture is a busy one, but not necessary a good one. Jenchango012
I visit a nursing home in the town where I live multiple times a month to see my ex-grandmother-in-law. So this hits on more than one nerve with me. Her grandsons are doing everything they can to try to get their grandmother back into her home, but the living children are fighting them boys. The grandmother's own children want her to just stay in the home until she passes. It's more convenient for them, they say. The grandmother has begun to shut down, she rarely talks, although, she can. She rarely tries to leave her room, although she is mobile. She rarely leaves her bed, even though the window is just across the room. Putting your mama in a home, just to make it more convenient for your lifestyle is disgusting. Many times throughout a child's lifespan, a typical mama is there for that child. Whether it is to nurture and care for a person as an infant, to teach them morals and values, to help with homework, wipe away tears, bail a kid out of jail, help raise their own young 'uns, whatever. The "typical" mother doesn't just put their kids in a "home" because the mom is sick of dealing with a teenage attitude, or because the kid's behaviour doesn't fit into their life's plans, or is inconvenient. Children aren't throwaway commodities to a mother. Why, then should a mother (or parent) ever be a throwaway commodity to a child, regardless of how old that child is? It may be different if the parent needs hospice care due to a terminal condition or chooses to go to a retirement village in a warmer climate by their own desire. But never in my opinion is it ever acceptable to just lock them up and walk away, out of convenience. Firecracker012
What Ms. Shirley says is right; in today’s society in America we are too quick to put the older people in nursing homes. We do so because we look at care giving as a burden, it takes time away from us doing what we want, or like Ms. Shirley said a lot of people get judged by their age today because the culture has changed so much over the past 30 years and it’s hard to keep up, so the culture and norms for those who grew up 30 years ago are different then today and we see that as being different so we try a push it away or ignore it. Older people have their own way of doing things that we see as invasive or uncommon. So when we have friends or colleges over we see it not as a show of respect for their age and we are taking care of them but as an embarrassment. It seems like today also the rich people are the ones that are faster to put their parents in nursing homes.
ReplyDeleteTechie_012
I agree America is way too quick to put the older people in to nursing homes. It is not fair to them at all. Many older people can do many things on their own. It is just not fair that many older people get the worst end of the stick. There are many different things that I would think about before ever putting my own parents in a nursing home. (hound89) 012
DeleteI agree with changing times or a paradigm shift in society that shapes peoples ideas with how to treat the older generations. The middle old generations seem to be not only increasing in size but staying in their homes much longer now than in years past. Once they move into the older old category then things seem to change for the worse. Everyone ages in life that a fact but what some people don't look at is the emotions that come along with the life change. Every individual is different as to when they go through the process of grief. Some begin with anger because they don't want to move into a skilled facility and some go right to acceptance because they don't want to be a burden on their loved ones. This may be the idea that people get as they can no longer take care of themselves. Lawpro012
Deleteevery thing your saying I what I would say as well. putting your parent in a home just is a smack in the face for the 18 or more years you spent under their roof. these days our decisions are being based on the wrong things that man's wife shouldn't have that type of authority over him. (Aphi012)
DeleteI would have to agree that in this day and age people are quick to put the elderly in a home or other means of assisted living. While his wife may have been able to speak her opinion, she would NOT have been able to persuade me from taking care of my mother. You would think she would be more considerate towards her husband's mother. Maybe her mother is gone or she already put her in a nursing home. I think reach people may do this more simply because it's easier for them to do so by have the monetary means. DaBearsandBulls012
DeleteMs. Shirley definitely says everything correctly. There are so many decisions that are made for the elderly whether it is get home care or go to a nursing home. I agree that elderly people are very dependent people. They want their kids to do well in life. They want to be there for their kids when times are good and times are bad. I know that my grandma was so stubborn that it wasn’t even an option for her to go to a nursing home. She was so independent always worried about her family, and boy did she love her grandkids. She never had any kind of help from any outsource like a nursing home or a home CNA. She just did her thing and she did it herself.
ReplyDelete(hound89) 012
DeleteIt is truly sad how we try to tell older people what to do. They took care of their children and the only right thing to do is for the children to take care of them but we push that off on others so much anymore. Like you said about your Grandma, My Grandma and Grandpa are the same they are so set in their ways and they don’t want help from anyone even when they both need walkers and should have someone there to help. They don’t want any help; my dad and step-mom go and help them as much as they will let them. But they are all about doing it their way.
DeleteTechie_012
I'd have to agree with Techie_012, it is truly sad. Elders are basically seen as something that is in the way and needs to be put away into a nursing home. I believe that they can be incredibly independent. My grandmother is very similar to yours. She doesn't need help, and doesn't want it. She can do everything on her own. -Blue22_012
DeleteWith aging in our society it would be a good idea to look at the emotional change of life that we all will go through at some point in time. As we age within our society it is said that people don't change their way of life, thoughts, or ideas however as society progresses, individuals don't. There is a cultural divide at times between the geriatric and the younger culture. This means that individuals live the same over time even if the way of life or culture changes. The emotional pain that older individuals have is very traumatic as they cope with the different stages of life. Meaning older individuals could go through the grief process even with changing their way of life from living at home to going to a skilled nursing facility. The singer talks sings a little bit about that transition from adapting to just the idea of going to a nursing home. Lawpro012
ReplyDeleteI agree, it is sad that the older generations have to deal with this isolation and trauma/grief. But why does this exist? If every single student on this blog is saying how sad it is, then clearly most of society must believe that as well, so why does this pattern continue? If we believe it is unfair to the elderly, do you not think that something should be done to prolong their "normal" lives as much as possible?
Delete-YellowUmbrella012
I definitely think that we are too quick to try and get the older generation "out of the way" due to the negative view that our society has of the elderly. Our grandparents and parents end up in nursing homes much too soon simply because we don't view them as useful or because they aren't part of our own personal egocentric plan for ourselves, which is not only unfair, it's Ageism by definition. After all that my parents have done for me, the only time I would even begin to consider a nursing home is when I no longer have the ability to take care of them myself and need professional help, and even then, there are other options. My father has Multiple Sclerosis, so his health has been deteriorating at what seems to be 5 times the rate of the average person his age. But even still I can say that I would rather take my father in and take care of him myself before I would put him in a retirement home.
ReplyDeleteIt's so strange because as children we're taught to have respect and reverence for our elders, and I'm not sure what age that disappears in adulthood, but it certainly seems to. We need to we need to shift this cultural paradigm and turn it on its head to get back to that respect. Even as middle-aged people onward, there is no shortage of information that we can learn from the generation before us. It's the only way that we can better ourselves for the future, so we should hold onto that as long as we can rather than isolating the older generation.
-YellowUmbrella012
I agree completely with your comment. Our society does have an inaccurately negative perception of our elders. We just don’t see them for what they are anymore. We also don’t put ourselves in their shoes; we just worry about ourselves too much. And that is not right to do to our own blood.
Delete-JrMac95012
I agree with what you are saying. I also think that somewhere along the line we have lost this connection with our elders. We should cherish the moments we get to spend with them while they are here. It's a shame that certain classes see them as a burden and are quick to act. jam012
DeleteMs. Shirley’s point is good but in some sort contradicting because the term she used for the brother whose initial intentions in life were bad at first as the no good boy. But in the end the “no good boy” took his mom in. in society yes we are very unappreciative of anything in our lives I mean every time anything goes well its usually never displayed we are more exposed to issues in our country. This video was a prime example of appreciating though because even though her son was up to no good at a younger age she did not disown him. The son that was a doctor was definitely ridiculous there is no way my wife will come between the first woman in my life. The ideal child of an older parent is supposed to take care of their parents to their best ability in this case the mother was fine so he was ridiculous. (Aphi012)
ReplyDeleteWhat Ms. Shirley explains about three or four minutes into the video about the son and wife making the decision to put the mother in the nursing home is very accurate. Generally speaking, I don’t believe that anyone could put their own mother in a nursing home on their own. It usually has to take an outside influence (outside of blood relative I mean) to really make that decision.
ReplyDeleteLast year, my dad’s mother came ill with dementia and depression months after losing my uncle in a suicide. Doctors said that she could no longer live independently. My father fought every obstacle just to get her to live with us. We pushed through the “burden” of taking care of her for at least six and a half months. She got to the point where depression had gotten the best of her. At THAT point, we listened to the Doctor’s orders of finding a suitable assisted living center where she could receive all the medical attention she needed, and also somewhere that we could visit her every weekend.
Ms. Shirley was spot on in how disappointing it was that a young man would put his mother of good health in a nursing home.
-JrMac95012
I think that if it is absoultely necessary due to medical/terminal/mental impairment issues, nursing homes or assisted facilities can be a good thing. Typically, at least in every case I have been in contact with, the family (immediate children or spouse, not grands) make the ultimate decision on that type of placement. What is revolting to me, is when children of the parent attempt to place a parent in a nursing home due to advanced age without any impairments only. Especially, as in one case I am currently working with, when the adult living children want a piece of the "proverbial" pie before death occurs. Otherwise known as getting some of their inheritance early. It's disgusting. Just because a parent may not see, hear, or move as well as they once did in their youth, doesn't mean they are dead already or close enough to death to move on without them. Firecracker012
DeleteMs. Shirley's story was fantastic. Today it seems that certain classes are too quick to put their elderly parents into a home, like they are such a burden on them. Too many times an older person is put into a home for the wrong reasons. There is no reason for them to go into a home if they are still self sufficient and are still in their right mind. I've witnessed first hand what can happen to an older person in a home, it's almost as if their health and sanity takes a quick decline. They can become extremely depressed and their health will take a turn for the worse. Today's generation should learn to appreciate their mother or father, and don't take them for granted. Personally putting my parents into a home would be the last resort for me, giving back to them would be a great honor. jam012
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that are current generation take for granted how good they have things.It could also be the way they are taught by their parents bears012
DeleteMs. Shirley's story was great. Today it seems that certain people groups are too quick to put their parents into a nursing home when they get unable to take care of themselves when they are elderly, it is like they are a burden to them, they are sometimes put in homes for the wrong reasons. There is no reason for them to go into the home if they are able to take care of themselves. Today's generation don't appreciate what their parents do for them. Sometimes our culture repeat the patterns their parents do to their grand parents like it is a generational curse Bears 012
ReplyDeleteSimilar to what everyone else thinks about this video, I would say that I completely agree with Shirley. She tells her feelings through a song which gives it a very personal touch to it. She explains how she did so much for her son throughout his entire life and when she gets old he has a difficult time giving back to his mother. She obviously felt that her son was not helping her like he should have. Instead of taking care of his mother he decided to put her in a nursing home. I completely agree with thinking that that was not the best choice for the situation. Of course, in some situations having people around to help a parent at all times may be the best choice for some who may have some sort of disability. For the most part I would have to agree that people tend to stick their parents into a nursing home instead of thinking about their other options such as home care. -Blue22_012
ReplyDeleteI wish Ms. Shirley would have told us more of the story. Like I want to know if she took care of her parents and her son at the same time. Also I want to know if he had kids of his own that he needs to provide for. I truly believe that in today's society it is harder for kids to take care of their parents because some people are barely getting by with taking care of themselves and their kids and spouse. Also with people working all day it is hard to keep an eye on an elderly person who needs help when you are at work. RDH012
DeleteI will agree with Shirley as she explains the situation in the video. My parents divorced when I was young so I was raised by my mother who worked two and three jobs at times to make ends meet. I could not imagine putting my mother in a nursing home when the situation didn't deem it necessary. As I have grown up, I have told my mom that she will be living with me whenever she wants too. My grandmother on my dad's side, who has since passed on, lived with my aunt's for many years so they could care for her. This was the same for my great grandmother. Now it was different here recently for my grandfather on my mom's side. His wife, my mom's mom, passed away seven or eight years ago and he wanted to live on his own, he did this, but with help from my mother EVERYDAY. Her sister and brother did nothing to help. He was eighty-six when he passed away a few months ago. Shortly before he passed, he needed more care than my mom could give him so hospice was at the house. My mother planned to move in with him for his final days/weeks but her siblings wanted him in a nursing home. He ended up losing his battle with cancer and passed away at home, as my mother wanted. I say this because things may have been different if it were the other way around. My grandpa liked my mom more than the other two and my grandma liked my aunt more than my mom. You wouldn't think it could be this way, but if my grandpa would have passed before my grandma then she would've went and stayed with my aunt. Situations throughout our life obviously play a part in how things play out in the end and every family is different. DaBearsandBulls012
ReplyDeleteI also had divorced parents, but my dad was still in the picture. I still had to watch as my mom struggled day after day to give my brother and I everything we needed. It was so hard, but it was all worth it. I will never be one of those to just put my mom in a nursing home the first chance I can. I will do everything I can to take care of her. And I will also make sure who ever is taking care of her is not hurting her or abusing her.
DeleteStarburst012
I think to a certain extent that Ms. Shirley is right and most Americans do put elders in the homes faster but today there are so many different types of nursing homes. Also my family has dealt with the struggle of taking care of an elder and even though it was hard for us it was probably worse for her. My Great-grandmother had a stroke and was unable to live on her own, so my grandma and her two sisters took turns taking care of my grandma. None of them lived in the same town so every two weeks my great-grandma would have to move houses. She started to lose her memory and could never remember where she was at. My family then decided to put her in the nursing home which I believe was a better for her. She knew where she was and my grandma would go visit her everyday and see if she needed anything. Also my other grandma has been living alone for 15 years in Peoria. Her eyes were starting to get bad so we took away her car and we wanted to move her into this really nice nursing home so they could help her get around. She hated the idea at first because she can take care of herself she just cannot drive anymore. After a few weeks she ended up loving the nursing home and all the people there. She is living in the independent living so she has her own room and does everything herself besides driving. I personally think that the nursing homes that have independent living are wonderful because they help you when you need it but other than that you can do everything you need to. I guess it all depends on the nursing home they go into but not all are bad. RDH012
ReplyDeleteThere are certainly different types of homes people can live in. Everyone's situation is different and sometimes people don't need to be taken care of but living on their own may be too dangerous. So assisted living homes are great to still have independence and go where you want and yet you still have people there to check on you or if you should need something instead of being in a house alone. And it's good to look around at different places. Not all nursing homes are bad and some you don't realize they are until the person you care for is there. Sometimes the home can be good but just isn't the right fit. Every person and home is different but it can take work to find the right one.
DeleteScientistSalarian012
This isn't really the message that I received from this clip. I don't think the Mother had any healthy issues at all. I just think that the son who became successful through his Mother's givings lost the importance of life. The "old folks" home was just a way to get her out of the picture so to speak and he thought he wasn't doing a bad thing because he was providing all of the material things she needed. Even at an elderly stage in life, people still need the love and the emotional aspects of life and need to know that they are needed and wanted. An "old folks" home cannot provide that if the family is completely out of the picture. Hbaby31012
DeleteWow, this is a very powerful song with a very powerful message to get across. It is also very sad. You can tell that she did everything she could for her children, like most mothers do. I know now that I am older that I haven't shown my own mother all the appreciation she deserves. Now that I am older I know all that she had done for me and I try to always let her know I appreciate her. This song is so sad but so true and shows how our generation is SO quick to just get rid of the older generation because they think they are getting in the way. We have so much to learn from them and they still have life to live. For all that they have done for us the LEAST we can do is help them when they actually need us! People need to keep this in mind and always remember how good our parents treated us and all that they did for us.
ReplyDeleteStarburtst012
There are so many options for elderly people other then nursing homes. What makes me crazy is the fact that, our parents raised us, wiped out snotting noses, feed us and put the clothes on our back. So is it so hard for us to take care of them when they need us? It's even more sad to the people who don't have a choice and become a ward of the state and all there decisions are mad for them. Ms. Shirley, had a good son that would take care of her. And for the Dr son, that's crazy that he would rather pay all that money to send her away , but couldn't have someone come to his house to take care of her needs.There are so many religions that dont believe in putting their loved ones in a nursing home. Now yes, there are some circumstances to why people do have to live in a nursing home, but most of the time, they just want to be with family. I used to work in a retirement home and most of the time, when someone new came in, they where mad as ever. And now I realize why.
ReplyDeletelilred012
This could be an example of discrimination and ageism. Momma was put into an old folks home why? Simply because she was aging and no longer contributed to this particulars sons needs? A lot of people grow up only to find that they are no longer needed by family but this is where love and respect play a huge part in the family chain. The "trouble maker" that was always up to no good may not have respected his Mother growing up but learned the hard way through his own trials and tribulations and as a result of that he ended up respecting his Momma more and he had the "rude awakening" that she was always there for him when he needed her. I feel that he felt she deserved the quality of life that she had always provided for him. A fullfilled acceptance and matter is what he wanted Momma to feel. She deserved to be recognized and let it be known that she "mattered" to someone. The one son that always obeyed and that was provided for never experienced the hardship of making bad choices in life and the outcome was a negative one. He became powerful and greedy with his money and misunderstand the needs of his loved ones. He tossed her away thinking that he was "providing" for her financially and disregarded her emotional needs. Hbaby31012
ReplyDeleteMs. Shirley makes a great point when she says "I wouldn't mind going if there was something wrong with me." which brings me to say that many people in today's society in America are very quick to put their parent's into nursing homes because they are on the way. My grandmother is now 86 and we have had her in a retirement home for about a year now and we only put her there because she physically needed help that we couldn't give her. We did everything we could to keep her independent for as long as possible. It's hard on her to be there but someone in the family visits with her everyday and makes sure she is getting the care she needs. We viewed the choice as not an option of putting her in a retirement home until we had to. So Ms. Shirley is right that many will just put our elderly in homes and she also makes a good point that many families can be divided on the choice. So it's good if possible to talk as a family and all be in agreement. It's funny how as someone gets older people will start to view them much differently as when they were younger. It's good to respect your elders, especially your family.
ReplyDeleteScientistSalarian012
This is great how you choose to keep this ongoing relationship with your grandmother! This will cause fit such a better ending I believe fit her in her later years and for the family to learn from her. This reaches respect of our elderly,. Jenchango012
DeleteAmerica is such a fas growing and modernized country which has caused people to become very selfish and greedy. Our culture does quickly turn their head the other way when it comes to the elderly. Our elderly are forgotten and left to dwindle in their last years. Our culture is a busy one, but not necessary a good one. Jenchango012
ReplyDeleteI visit a nursing home in the town where I live multiple times a month to see my ex-grandmother-in-law. So this hits on more than one nerve with me. Her grandsons are doing everything they can to try to get their grandmother back into her home, but the living children are fighting them boys. The grandmother's own children want her to just stay in the home until she passes. It's more convenient for them, they say. The grandmother has begun to shut down, she rarely talks, although, she can. She rarely tries to leave her room, although she is mobile. She rarely leaves her bed, even though the window is just across the room. Putting your mama in a home, just to make it more convenient for your lifestyle is disgusting. Many times throughout a child's lifespan, a typical mama is there for that child. Whether it is to nurture and care for a person as an infant, to teach them morals and values, to help with homework, wipe away tears, bail a kid out of jail, help raise their own young 'uns, whatever. The "typical" mother doesn't just put their kids in a "home" because the mom is sick of dealing with a teenage attitude, or because the kid's behaviour doesn't fit into their life's plans, or is inconvenient. Children aren't throwaway commodities to a mother. Why, then should a mother (or parent) ever be a throwaway commodity to a child, regardless of how old that child is? It may be different if the parent needs hospice care due to a terminal condition or chooses to go to a retirement village in a warmer climate by their own desire. But never in my opinion is it ever acceptable to just lock them up and walk away, out of convenience. Firecracker012
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